You can waste my time
But you can't change my mind
I won't stop you
So just go on
You can play your games
But it's all in vain
'Cause my desire for you is much too strong
To Be With You In Heaven by Scorpions
But you can't change my mind
I won't stop you
So just go on
You can play your games
But it's all in vain
'Cause my desire for you is much too strong
To Be With You In Heaven by Scorpions
3.12 My Sister's Keeper
I woke up next to a warm female body. A pleasant experience I've gone through many times in my life. However, the sweetness of it has turned sour lately.
Whenever I picked up a woman in a bar in the past, I was perfectly content to wake up next to her in the morning.
These days, when I open my eyes and feel a naked body snuggled to mine, I wince, 'cause I know, it's not the woman I've hoped to find there, not the one who comes to me in my dreams.
But instead of being angry at myself for failing to get what I want, I'm angry at the woman in the bed for not being the one I truly desire.
I'm not happy. No point in denying that.
Wanting things I couldn't have never stopped me from getting them.
So why do I keep failing this time? What was I thinking letting Beryl go, when the idea of her being with another man causes me so much pain?
I've been using the girl next to me to forget. But she has the same effect as alcohol. Tastes great in the night, but I suffer the mother of all hangovers every morning.
Why do I keep doing things that are inconsistent with my actual wishes? Why did I give up the woman I love and my son, when they are the only thing I want? Why do I keep stalking her like a hungry mutt, instead of fighting hard for staying in her life?
Wanting things I couldn't have never stopped me from getting them.
So why do I keep failing this time? What was I thinking letting Beryl go, when the idea of her being with another man causes me so much pain?
I've been using the girl next to me to forget. But she has the same effect as alcohol. Tastes great in the night, but I suffer the mother of all hangovers every morning.
Why do I keep doing things that are inconsistent with my actual wishes? Why did I give up the woman I love and my son, when they are the only thing I want? Why do I keep stalking her like a hungry mutt, instead of fighting hard for staying in her life?
The girl behind me stirs. I don't want her to see me in the state I'm in, angry and disappointed, for she actually didn't do anything wrong. So I grab my clothes to take a French leave. Like I do every single morning.
Except it didn't work this time. Maybe I'm not quick enough or perhaps she wasn't sleeping sound, 'cause when I reach for the door handle, I hear her voice.
"Tony? Can't you stay a little longer today?"
I curse under my breath, not turning around to face her. I don't want to look at her now. "I need to go," I grumble.
"Please?" she pleads to my back. "There's something I need to talk to you about."
Oh great. She probably wants to take our mockery of a relationship to the next level.
"Can't it wait until later? I really need to be somewhere right now," I lie.
I hear her soft sigh. "Okay. Tonight then."
Of course I have no intention to show up tonight and have that talk. I guess my time with her has expired.
All I felt was a relief, when I left the club. Now to the task at hand. I need to check, if the crazy doctor left the hotel as we agreed.
As it happened he was just leaving, when I arrived to the hotel. He didn't look one bit happy. I guess he hasn't gotten over the hair loss yet. Man up, doc. You're finally looking like a regular guy not a sissy.
The doc got in his car and was gone. He's out of the picture now. Ha! The playfield is all mine again.
I wasn't quite right in my assumption, since my beloved did all she could to get over me in the following weeks.
I have no idea where she met all those guys, but they were something really special. Having her (and mine) best interest in mind I checked them for her.
First there was this Jesse Pinkman guy. Too young for her, if you ask me. He looked like a decent guy though. But Beryl acted as if she was trying to match his age.
Pigtails? Seriously? I prefer the more mature looking version of you, my love. And the outfit? You have a prefect figure all right, but you're no longer a highschool girl. Do women have midlife crisis too?
This handsome Mr. Pinkman owns a house he inherited from his parents. And that't the right place for a guy like me to start digging for dirty secrets. The prettier faces the darker secrets. Trust me, I know. And I wasn't wrong.
I took the liberty of paying him a visit, when he was on another date with Beryl. They went to see this new horror movie with a bunny killing campers with a chainsaw. At least that's what the movie poster said at the cinema they went to.
I found a secret door to the basement in the house. It turned out Mr. Pinkman has a green thumb! And more than that! Dirty little secrets, I know all about them.
Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly fine with the guy's way of making extra money in this world. We are even sort of colleagues. But there's the matter of my son's upbringing. And I'm not allowing my kid nowhere near this stuff. And that also means nowhere near Mr. Pinkman.
As a law abiding citizen that I am, when the circumstances are right, I made an anonymous call to the Police. Something about weird smell coming out this house.
Sorry, Mr. Pinkman. You picked the wrong girl. A man's gotta protect his family.
As a law abiding citizen that I am, when the circumstances are right, I made an anonymous call to the Police. Something about weird smell coming out this house.
Sorry, Mr. Pinkman. You picked the wrong girl. A man's gotta protect his family.
Next one was this older guy, Matteo Hamilton. I wish I could really forget him, but the way things usualy work, I probably won't be able to get his picture out of my head for some time. This guy was bad news, although I didn't know that when I saw him with Beryl for the first time. I think she was getting desperate, that's why she started seeing him.
The good thing was that my love stopped wearing those ridiculous pigtails and started looking again like the young lady I had fallen in love with. Oh, Creator, she looked so lovely that day, making me forget to act inconspicuous for a moment.
She took our son with her for the date and surprisingly the old guy didn't mind.
They were talking about children a lot and the talk cheered up my beloved. She's still harbouring the hope to give birth to another baby. If you had only accepted my offer, my heart.
Despite his age he seemed to be a good match for my beloved and also a good father figure for my son. I admit I also liked the prospect of him being unable to keep up with Beryl in the intimate area due to his age. All things considered, this could actually work to my advantage. That's what I thought. Still it wasn't easy to see him so familiar with my loved ones. It hurt actually.
And then I found the pictures in his apartment. I won't go into details, because there are things even a guy with my past cannot stomach. I still had a fresh image of this man hugging my son in my mind, when I found them. You're guessing right, there were children in all of them. And I'm not talking happy family pictures here.
My memories are kind of hazy from that moment. I remember running into the bathroom, murmuring He touched my son! over and over. I waited for the man's return. And then I did what I had to. I pray that Beryl will never know.
"YOU TOUCHED MY SON!!!"
I can only guess why my beloved Beryl attracts these kinds of people. I'm no saint myself and I'm attracted to her like to no other woman. Is it her artless nature? Or the way she makes you believe there's hope for you yet, even if you've done horrible things?
All I know, I'd do anything for her.