4.17 Letters to Emily (Part II.) - Annie
Emily
I received another letter from Charlie today, but I didn't get to write the reply yet. My husband came home early and brought Annie with him completely out of schedule and I forgot about everything else.
I almost lost it when I saw her cling to his leg like that. She was afraid and I couldn't blame her. There was a lot of screaming and yelling and crying the night my husband caught us running away from him. But what was breaking my heart the most was knowing that Annie is now probably more used to have my husband's sister around than me. I was becoming a stranger to her.
I received another letter from Charlie today, but I didn't get to write the reply yet. My husband came home early and brought Annie with him completely out of schedule and I forgot about everything else.
I almost lost it when I saw her cling to his leg like that. She was afraid and I couldn't blame her. There was a lot of screaming and yelling and crying the night my husband caught us running away from him. But what was breaking my heart the most was knowing that Annie is now probably more used to have my husband's sister around than me. I was becoming a stranger to her.
"You've been good, Emily," my husband said. "You deserve a small reward." Then he nudged my little girl to make her walk to me, like she was a toy car that we were passing between us. She made a few wobbly steps and stopped. She looked confused and on the verge of tears. I kept talking to her soothingly until she finally walked up to me. Holding her in my arms and smelling her lovely scent was all it took to make me feel whole again.
"You surely don't want to spend all day sitting on the floor with our daughter," my husband frowned. I didn't dare to say that was exactly what I was going to do - hold her and kiss her as long as he would let me. "Why don't the three of us go for a nice walk and show the town what a happy family we are?" he suggested then. "
I of course didn't dare to argue with him.
We went to the Samaritan park one of the Heffners had built years ago. I used to go there with Annie a lot when I still had her with me every day. Everything was so different now. Funny how your priorities change when it's no longer just you you need to care about. If I didn't have Annie I would disappear or ask for help and fight my husband. In my current situation I couldn't do anything until I was sure Annie was some place safe, somewhere my husband's influence did not reach.
On our way back home we stopped by at my favourite flower shop, because I needed to order more gardening supplies. I ran out of a fertilizer for my lilies last week.
The shop is owned by a young couple, Mrs. and Mr. Foster. They are expecting their first baby and are very excited and so much in love.
Part of me was jealous and wondering what it would be like to have a husband as loving as Mr. Foster. But those are dangerous thoughts and it is very unwise to harbour them. There is no place for love in my life. Not anymore. There's only my daughter I need to think about. Everything else is a distraction.
Ruby - Mrs. Foster suggested I call her so - asked me couple of questions about Annie and babies in general. I was happy to be able to give her some pieces of advice, while our husbands chatted about sports and work.
To any onlooker we must have seemed like a normal family on outing, me and my husband and our daughter. That's how my husband wanted it.
But as it was getting dark outside when we got back home a large shadow started looming over my head again. I still had some time though. I had to make the most of it.
My daughter was tired. I cradled her in my arms and watched as her eyelids were getting heavier and heavier until she closed those beautiful blue eyes she had after her father.
Here she was. The most precious thing in the whole world.
It felt like only couple of seconds passed when my husband said those dreaded words, "It's time, Emily."
He took her from me and it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Last time I promised myself I wouldn't beg, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me so desperate, so powerless. But how could I not try to soften his heart if it meant more time spent with my daughter? I should have known better. There was no heart in my husband's chest.
"Please, let her stay until morning. Please. It's just a couple more hours."
"You know the rules, Emily. Behave and you'll see her more often."
And then they were both gone.
I went through this horror each time I was allowed to see Annie. Happy for one day and then devastated for a month. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I wished for something or someone to free me from this misery. But there was no one to help me. No one would dare to stand up against my husband. I was on my own as always.
In the morning I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart and sat down to write my reply to Charlie. Thank the Creator I had at least these letters to help me survive another day without my daughter.
Author's note: Thank you to following creators whose poses I used in this chapter: mrsnobodyblr, wrixles, rinvalee, glow-legacy, flowerchamber